Dave: Greg, I just had the best idea.
Greg: Well spit it out! What is it?
Dave: I’m going to write an original movie script based on, wait for it, “American Pie.”
Greg: You mean the song?
Dave: Of course I mean the song! The great classic that everyone knows by heart.
Greg: The great classic that was based on a real event.
Dave: Right, the—wait, what?
Greg: You know that “American Pie” was based on real events, right? So your script would just be reenacting history. It’s not original. It happened. In real life.
Dave: Come on dude, music didn’t actually die in real life. That’s absurd. I mean, we hear music all the time now, so it obviously didn’t go out and kick the bucket one day. Unless we’re only listening to the ghost of music but that would be weird.
Greg: Yeah. Weird. Like the fact that you didn’t know that “American Pie” was based on something real!
Dave: Man, no one knows that. You’re just a freak full of esoteric knowledge that no one cares about. I’m going to write my clever, original script anyway.
Greg: No one would watch the film.
Dave: Why not?
Greg: Because you’d be lying! You could say it was a biopic and base it on the real event, but you can’t base anything on the song.
Dave: But the Satan versus marching band battle will be awesome! People would definitely see that. And it didn’t happen in real life.
Greg: Have you heard of songwriting? Poetic licenses?
Dave: You have a poetic license? I’ve heard those are super tough to get.
Greg: Are you serious right now? Come on, drop the “American Pie” script. Buddy Holly is rolling in his grave right now.
Dave: Right. Buddy Holly.
Greg: Dave, don’t tell me you don’t know who Buddy Holly is.
Dave: Fine, I won’t tell you I don’t know who Buddy Holly is.
Greg: You really don’t know?
Dave: No. I don’t. Happy? Did he write “American Pie?”
Greg: “American Pie” is about him!
Dave: He killed the music? That’s awful!
Greg: I’m speechless right now.
Dave: Because my idea is so awesome?
Greg: Because your idea is ridiculous.
Dave: You’re just jealous.
Greg: Jealous of your ignorance? Yeah right.
Dave: Fine, I’ll drop my script idea. But only after you admit it was a pretty neat idea.
Greg: I can’t do that, Dave. I won’t do that. Because it was a horrible idea.
Dave: Some friend you are, Greg.
Greg: At least I’m saving you from embarrassment later.
Dave: Okay, you got me. Thanks.
Greg: You’re welcome.
Dave: Hey, Greg!
Dave: I just came up with an even better idea.
Greg: I don’t want to hear it.
Dave: Well I’m telling you anyway. I’m going to write a movie script, one that’s definitely original, based on, wait for it…
Dave: The “Star Spangled Banner!” Wait, where are you going, Greg?
Greg: I was embarrassed to be standing next to you.
Dave: Come back! I want to tell you about the cool 3D effects it will have when the rockets go off!
Greg: I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear any of that.
Dave: Well there he goes…Ooh, I’ll get to design a super cool flag for the movie!