Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Side Effect Pill

It's time for a sequel!  This is a follow-up story to last month's "Childproof Bottle."  Read on for more wacky (and questionably pointless) inventions!

Monday, December 19, 2011

How Harold Saved Hanukkah

We interrupt the planned programming this evening to bring you a special blog post.  A Hanukkah special, if you will.  So sit back, eat your latkes, and enjoy this holiday treat.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Real Life

After a longer story last week, here's a breather.  It's a different style (script-esque) than I've done on the blog before.  It's always good to mix it up every once in a while!  Happy reading!

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

The Book of Jo(h)n

I've been waiting for the right moment to post this story.  It's time.  In short, this is my attempt to write a post-apocalypse story.  Enjoy!

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Fables for the 20th Century and Before: The Camel’s Mouth

Over the past several weeks, I've given you an array of modern fables.  Now it's time for something different.  Here's a 100% original fable, but with a moral perhaps slightly less applicable to life today than those from my other parables.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Childproof Bottle

Lots of things have silly names.  Like childproof bottles.  Don't believe me?  After reading my little anecdote about an inventor's modest proposal, you'll agree.  Enjoy!

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

I Just Want to Play the Bongos

First, another shameless plug for myself:  my last story for 2011 is up on North by Northwestern!  Check it out!

But don't fear, there will be plenty of more stories to come this year on the blog.  Like this week's post, a fun poem that I know everyone can relate to.  It's even based on a true story.  I don't know whose story it's based on, but I'm sure someone has gone through this.  So without shrouding the poem in mystery any further, here it is!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Under the Bed

Still in that Halloween spirit?  This week's story will keep the holiday fun alive.  Well, it's not about Halloween, but it's about monsters, so close enough!

You can also read this story at North by Northwestern here.  It's similar, but there are some key differences (like the usage of the sister punctuation of the Cambridge Semicolon).

Also, check out my friend's blog post about blogs, featuring Linguistic Gimmicks!

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Beans - Part III

The startling conclusion to the "Beans" epic has arrived!  Even if you think you know how Jack and the Beanstalk ends, you don't know what happens in this version.  Read on, and enjoy!

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Beans - Part II

"Beans" continues with the second installment!  So if you dare, read on and prepare to enter the fairy tale world of the bean...

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Beans - Part I

First, I have another story up on North by Northwestern.  You can read it here!

This week begins another multi-post story.  Don't worry, this one will only last three weeks, not two months.  It is a reimagining of a classic fairy tale (you'll figure out which one), but told from the perspective of a minor character.  A very minor one.

Enjoy, and come back next week for Part II!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Fables for the 21st Century and Beyond: The Ant and the Grasshopper

This week's story is another Aesop retelling that satirizes modern society.  As you can tell, teaching moral lessons is a virtue I hold dear.  Definitely take these teachings to heart.  They're important.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Wax Poets

I have another story up on North by Northwestern.  You can read it here!  I now have a staff of editors reading my work, so even if the title is the same, the story is new and improved!  Well, mostly just improved.

And back to Linguistic Gimmicks.  Today's post definitely fits with the blog's title.  It's also a new style of work:  a monologue!  Other than saying it's an homage with a sprinkling of meta-ness, I really can't explain it more, so you'll just have to read on.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Embedded Poetry #2

Before I introduce this post, I'd like to make an announcement.  Some of my work is being published by North by Northwestern, an online magazine!  I'm very excited, but this does not mean that this blog will receive fewer stories.  Keep coming back every Tuesday for the week's post, and now you can also check NBN's website for more (such as this week's post).

Today's post is a sequel to Embedded Poetry #1.  This is where I write a poem in one style of poetry about another style and then do the reverse.  Happy reading!

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Bartholomew Templeton Meets His Alter Ego

Remember Bartholomew Templeton from past stories?  He's met some ghosts and made a waffle so far, but this new story brings him on an even crazier adventure.  An adventure to another dimension.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Fables for the 21st Century and Beyond: The Lion and the Mouse

Fables are supposedly timeless.  However, this is simply not true.  The methods of teaching morals in the past don't always correlate to the fast-paced thinking of today.  That's why I've decided to update several classic fables for the current era.  Stay tuned for more "Fables for the 21st Century and Beyond" throughout the coming months!

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Hemophiliac Hemophiliac

It's time for a poem!  I've always believed that knowing a language's roots is important, both for learning new words and for making fun of the language itself.  I've chosen the latter path here.  Let the verse begin!

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Carp Diem

I don't really know how I can introduce this short story any better than the title already does.  So to prevent myself from being tempted to reveal spoilers, here is "Carp Diem."

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Scientific Accounts of the World's Lost Species: The Dawdle Bird

Everything presented in the below account is real.  Did it actually happen?  Maybe.  But is it real?  Yes.  That is all.  Thank you.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Embedded Poetry #1

And now for something completely different!  After two months of one continued story, it's time to change it up.  So for something light, here are two related poems.  The inspiration behind them was another sort of challenge I gave myself:  to write a poem in one style about another type of poem, then write about the first style in the second.  So that's what I did!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Billy and the Bread Bakery - Part VIII: Serve While Hot

Well, here it is, folks.  The conclusion to the eight part summer series "Billy and the Bread Bakery."  Two months and countless sleepless nights later, it is time to see how it all ends.  Right.  Now.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Billy and the Bread Bakery - Part VII: Rising Spirits

Hello, faithful readers.  We arrive today at the penultimate chapter of "Billy."  It brings a tear to my right eye, knowing that this tale will end soon.  But what comes must pass.  Accepting this story's fate is as inevitable as a new yarn being posted every Tuesday.  So as you read this story (and the past ones, if you are not up to date on "Billy" lore), keep "Billy" in your heart, and come back next week for the final entry.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Billy and the Bread Bakery - Part VI: Fields of Grain

The story keeps on chugging.  As always, if you need a refresher or have unfortunately missed the previous installments, please check out Parts I through V!  Here's Part VI of "Billy!"

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Billy and the Bread Bakery - Part V: Into the Oven

We have achieved a significant plot point with the debut of "Billy" Part V.  Our beloved characters are now in the Bakery.  Which of course you would know if you'd read the past four parts (which I highly recommend you do if 1) you haven't read them yet so that you understand this part, or 2) if you need a quick refresher before delving into this week's story).  I've been having an inner struggle over whether to reveal a crucial piece of information...and I've decided to divulge it:  "Billy and the Bread Bakery" will conclude after 8 sections, no more and no less.  Don't hold your breath any longer--here's the fifth installment.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Billy and the Bread Bakery - Part IV: Prep Time

It's Tuesday, so that means it's time for a new post!  We're up to Part IV of the "Billy and the Bread Bakery" collection (as per last week, if you're confused or need a refresher in "Billy" lore, please read the past three weeks' stories).  Enjoy, and come back next week for installment number five.  Thanks for reading!

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Billy and the Bread Bakery - Part III: Baking Instructions

Welcome back to the unfolding story of Billy Crumpette.  Last week, we left off with--actually, I won't post any spoilers here, in case you haven't read the past two parts yet.  So if you need a quick brush up on the plot points, may I kindly refer you back to Parts I and II.  Here's the third installment!  The story continues next week.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Billy and the Bread Bakery - Part II: Lucky Wheaties

Welcome to the second installment of "Billy and the Bread Bakery."  If you have no idea what that means, I'd be happy to direct you to last week's post.  Then everything, and I do mean everything, will begin to make sense.  Remember, keep tuning in for more of this serialized tale.  Let the story continue!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Billy and the Bread Bakery - Part I: Golden Brown Baguettes

This is the first section of a serial story.  For the next how-many-ever-parts-it-takes-to-finish-the-story weeks, I'll be continuing this tale.  It's part parody (I'm sure you can figure out of what) and part silly story, staying in the style of the rest of my blog posts.  Come back every week for the rest of "Billy and the Bread Bakery!"

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Bartholomew Templeton Eats a Waffle

Behold:  the second installment in the Bartholomew Templeton character arc.  In other words, here's another story featuring my newest multipurpose character!  I must have been pretty hungry when I started writing this...well, they always say life imitates art.  Or in this case, art imitates life!

Monday, June 6, 2011

The Gewgaw and the Squid

You've met the Squid in his encounters with Abraham Lincoln and Jonah.  You've met the Gewgaw, a hideous creature banned from his village.  Now they're about to meet each other in a crossover of epic proportions.  (If you need a refresher on the characters, check out my previous stories.)  Read on.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Bees vs. Cows

Here's another one of those rhyming, rhythmic poems you love so much!  I have no idea how the inspiration for this one came to me, but I made it anyway.  I think it's great when nonsense can be give structure and form.  Then it seems like it makes perfect sense, until you reflect back on it and realize that it actually is nonsense.  Maybe that'll happen to you after you read this.  Maybe it won't.  Only one way to find out.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Bartholomew Templeton's Lonely Life

TIme to introduce a new character:  Bartholomew Templeton!  He'll be appearing in many more stories to come, so stay tuned for more with BT.  He's a fairly multipurpose character, who can fit into most situations, no matter how absurd I make them.  Like this one.  So let's join BT in his first short story adventure.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

I Wish I Could Fly

It's poem time!  And this time it has full rhyme and meter again.  This tale has two endings--almost like a choose your own adventure book--so you can pick which one to read depending on your mood.  Or you can read both!  Whichever suits your fancy.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Jonah and the Squid

As promised, here is another story about the Squid.  For a quick refresher on this character, you should read "Abraham Lincoln and the Squid," then come back and read this story.  And you might as well read all the other stories in between while you're at it!  As you'll be able to tell, I had some fun with this one.  If this story doesn't earn me my poetic license, I don't know what will!

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Infernal Rhyme

This is not your typical poem.  (Not that any of mine are...)  This one is built around an internal rhyme with "Hell" in every line.  After writing a fairy tale for last week, I decided to go more down the folk tale path, but of course with the usual quirks along the way.  Enjoy!

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

The Gewgaw

This story could be considered my homage to classic fairy tales.  Fantasy creatures.  Violence.  A hidden lesson on morals.  I think that sums it up pretty well.  Bon appetit!

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Alphabet Spaghetti

This is my first post that definitely gets classified under "Other Nonsense."  I had to uphold the blog's name!  This...prose, I guess...came from a challenge to myself to write a story where each sentence only uses alliteration with one letter, going through the entire alphabet.  And I was successful!  It does make sense (at least after a few careful reads), but if you need some clarification (or just want to say something), feel free to comment below!  Let the nonsense begin.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Abraham Lincoln and the Squid

I have another fun story for your reading pleasure!  I would say that this story is my personal re-imagining of an important historical event, but the anecdote below is true.  Seriously.  Also, watch for the Squid to make more appearances in future posts (almost like a mini-series).  So put on your reading glasses and be prepared to enter the factual world of 1860s United States....

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Mr. McGee

I'm going to take a departure from the short story medium to switch to poetry for my second post.  But not just any type of poetry:  very funny, pretty strange, and definitely fantastical (it's about talking animals...again) poetry.  So without further ado...

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Goldilocks and the Three Bears: Living in the 21st Century

Here is my first short story (and the first post of this blog)!  This blog will be a collection of anything remotely literary--stories, poems, comics, really anything using the English language (oh wait, there's some Yiddish in this first one...)--for your reading pleasure.  I'll be keeping it light, funny, and sarcastic, with a hint of good ol' cynicism.  My goal is to make a post once per week, so add reading this blog to your schedule!  This first story is a re-imagining of a classic fairly tale.  Enjoy!