Tuesday, April 10, 2012


This short script is my take on absurdist fiction.  I'm pretty sure it's both absurd and fictional, so I think I succeeded.  Have fun reading!  (Tip:  reading it out loud might help.)

Jerry:  Look at us.
Ted:  Who are you talking to?
Jerry:  You.
Ted:  Oh, good.  For a second there I thought you were talking to me.
Jerry:  I am talking to you!
Ted:  Sheesh.  No need to get all worked up about it.  Now what were you going to say?
Jerry:  Look at us.
Ted:  No, I believe you already said that.  What were you going to say?
Jerry:  How could I possibly know what I’m going to say?  I can’t predict the future.
Ted:  Can you predict the past?
Jerry:  Sometimes.  It’s very mentally challenging.
Ted:  Agreed.
Jerry:  No, I don’t think you can use the word “greed” that way.
Ted:  Did I make a grammatical wrong turn?
Jerry:  Right.  It should go left.
Ted:  So greed can only turn left?
Jerry:  Right.
Ted:  Agreed.
Jerry:  Wrong again.
Ted:  My mistake.  It won’t happen again.
Jerry:  That’s what they all say.
Ted:  I’ve never met him.
Jerry:  You should.  Nice guy.  Gets carried away sometimes.
Ted:  Kidnappers?
Jerry:  No, he’s an adult.  He doesn’t nap anymore.
Ted:  But he used to?
Jerry:  Of course.  But he only took naps on knaps with knapsacks.
Ted:  Complicated.
Jerry:  He’s a complex person.
Ted:  Someone has to be.
Jerry:  So why not him?
Ted:  Because he made poor choices growing up.
Jerry:  That seems to happen to the best of us.
Ted:  I haven’t met him either.
Jerry:  Neither have I.  Rumor has it he’s a little conceited.
Ted:  Arrogant?
Jerry:  Worse.  His ego’s blowing up.
Ted:  That’s dangerous.  Innocent people could get hurt.
Jerry:  It’s all right.  They have a stunt team.
Ted:  Professionals?
Jerry:  Not yet.
Ted:  Will they be certified soon?
Jerry:  It depends.
Ted:  On what?
Jerry:  On what you mean by soon.
Ted:  The near future.
Jerry:  Then no.  The future’s too far away.
Ted:  How far?
Jerry:  About fifteen miles.
Ted:  I only know metric.
Jerry:  I’m sorry.
Ted:  I’m nauseous.
Jerry:  Again?
Ted:  It sure seems to happen a lot.
Jerry:  That can be dangerous to your health.
Ted:  So can an uncertified stunt team.
Jerry:  But they’re very good.
Ted:  Which doesn’t change the fact that they don’t have licenses.
Jerry:  That hasn’t stopped anyone before.
Ted:  True, but it’s still not legal.
Jerry:  Illegal?
Ted:  No the bird’s perfectly fine.
Jerry:  But isn’t it endangered?
Ted:  That seems to engender doubt.
Jerry:  Being endangered engenders?
Ted:  Only on Fridays.
Jerry:  Good, that’s my favorite day.
Ted:  Mine’s Tuesday.
Jerry:  Any reason why?
Ted:  I always thought two should be rewarded.
Jerry:  It is pretty spectacular.
Ted:  It’s the best.
Jerry:  What’s the worst?
Ted:  When everything else is better than you.
Jerry:  I know that.
Ted:  Then why’d you ask?
Jerry:  That’s not what I meant.
Ted:  Than you should enunciate more clearly.
Jerry:  Redundant.
Ted:  Don’t call me that.
Jerry:  Then what should I call you?
Ted:  Ted.
Jerry:  Jerry.
Ted:  Well met.

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