The Man Who Talks

What influenced this bizarre post? Let's see...Non sequiturs. Goldilocks and the Three Bears. And the curiosity of what would happen if I repeated a short story with just one slight character change. Here's the product of that strange combination!

The Man Who Said Too Much

            The keynote speaker took his place at the podium.  He gazed intently at his the crowd.  They were here to listen to him.  No one else.  Just his own melodious, baritone vox.  Not that he could blame the conference goers.  His vocal chords always thrummed with the spirit of angels, or so he told himself (and others).  Time to let the seraphim start singing.

            “I am grateful to be in the presence of your ears and minds.  Why this specificity, you may ask?  To explain, I need your auditory auricles to enable me to enter your brains, and your minds are necessary to process my elocution so that you may fully absorb my message.  With ears and minds in synchronous harmony, the power of this speech which I shall deliver can enter your ready spirits, informing your future actions so you have the ability to become better business leaders.  A leader does not lead.  A leader empowers.  And that is exactly what I plan to do, as long as I have your essential consent.  I see nods of affirmation.  Let us begin.”

            Two of the audience members looked at each other.

            “You know, I appreciate a solid introduction and thesis statement as much as the next business conference attendee, but this was a bit of overkill.  I mean, does my spirit really need to be empowered by this self-proclaimed prophet CEO?  Perhaps, but I would rather my mind be liberated by someone slightly less verbose.”  He looked at his conference partner expectantly.

            “If a frog becomes a tadpole, you better watch out for thunder.”

            “Oh, good point.”

            The pair settled in to listen to the rest of the circumlocutory speech.

The Man Who Said Too Little

The keynote speaker took his place at the podium.  He gazed nervously at the alert crowd.  They were here to listen to him.  That thought alone was enough to make his knees quiver.  He should have declined the offer to be the main speaker at the conference, but the free hotel room was just too enticing.  Oh well, too late to back out now.

“Thank you for coming to listen to me talk.  Though of course you didn’t come for me, you came for all the other speakers at this conference.  They’re pretty good.  At speaking, that is.  I hope their topics are interesting.”

Two of the audience members looked at each other.

            “Well that was disappointingly brief.  I mean, I appreciate brevity, but sometimes it’s necessary to talk for a bit to get your point across.  Actually, on second thought, perhaps it’s best for our sanity that he’s not loquacious.”  He looked at his conference partner inquisitively.

“If a frog becomes a tadpole, you better watch out for thunder.”

            “Oh, good point.”

            The pair settled in to listen to the rest of the speech, but no further words emanated from the speaker’s sealed mouth.

The Man Who Said Just the Right Amount

            The keynote speaker took his place at the podium.  He gazed nervously at the alert crowd.  They were here to listen to him.  Well, he would deliver, as that was the job he was agreed to do.  And that is what he always did:  perform to meet people’s expectations, but not much more.  After all, if you consistently surpass what people expect, you have to keep improving, and that’s no facile task.  So he would do what he came out to do and do no more.

            “Welcome to this year’s business conference.  An expo of melding minds.  A symposium of synergistic problem solving.  I am blessed to be the one to open this weekend of mutual learning for you fine leaders this morning.  Education is like porridge.  You must learn certain topics at just the right time.  Wait too long and the information is no longer fresh; too short and the data may be incomplete.  I am pleased to say that today the porridge is just right.  So dig in during this conference.  You’ll be glad you did.”

Two of the audience members looked at each other.

            “Metaphors are always an apt method at catching an audience’s attention.  And I feel he did just that.  I mean, sometimes it helps to be straightforward, but a nice smattering of alliteration always gets me excited to learn.”  He looked at his conference partner for affirmation.

“If a frog becomes a tadpole, you better watch out for thunder.”

            “Oh, good point.”

            The pair settled in to listen to the rest of the speech, but the speaker merely smiled and departed, knowing that he had completed his task satisfactorily.