Mother Goose's Bad Day

How can nursery rhymes always be so upbeat and positive?  Surely the writers must have had some slip-ups once in a while.  So without further ado, here are some children's rhymes that didn't make the cut.

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Goes the clock

The hands read ten

No!  I’m late for work again!

~

Round the world the little birds fly,

Floating up in the big blue sky.

They see the sun, they see the stars,

They see the hunter and his shotgun.

~

Little boy Henry

Sat up in the belfry,

Drawing with chalk on the floor.

He drew a white star,

Not a plane nor a car,

For he was a Satanist.

~

There once was a horse named Fran:

He was the fastest in the land.

No one could beat him in a race;

Fran would just spit in their face.

Then one day Fran fell and broke his leg,

And karma made him have to beg.

~

Cars go fast,

But they don’t last:

Their engines break,

They fall in the lake,

Their hubcaps snap,

Mirrors crack with a tap,

Transmissions die,

And the wheels cry.

These repairs are costly,

Your wallet will shrink tautly.

The repairmen will laugh,

And you’ll feel daft.

~

One, two, sneeze kerchoo.

Three, four, tissues—more!

Five, six, being sick has its tricks.

Seven, eight, the nausea’s not late.

Nine, ten, death’s in the den.

~

There was an old lady who lived in a sneaker,

Her neighbor’s home was a clog.

Next to her was a man in a boot,

And the last on their street slept in slippers.

They all hated each other.

~

Dogs go woof,

Cats say meow.

When you hit me with that hammer
I shout, “Son-of-a-bi—!”

~

If you put your thumb in a pie,

Your finger will be sticky.

~

Little Susie

Sat in the Jacuzzi.

She was there for an hour,

And she left with minor burns and permanently wrinkled skin.

Susie’s daughter

Played by the water.

She swam for a day,

And came home with sunburn and jellyfish stings.