The Future Is Now
Tired of dialing
on your phone using your butt?
Ever wish there was an easier way to punch in numbers? Well now there is! With our groundbreaking phone, you’ll
never have to butt-dial again!
Advanced Options
With integrated
Butt-less™ technology, you can use other parts of your body to dial, such as
your ears or fingers. Our test
market research has shown dialing precision has increased by 300% with this
simple shift.
Less Butts, More Love
With Butt-less
Dialing™, you’ll never have to be embarrassed telling your girlfriend that you
actually didn’t mean to call her.
Or you won’t have to make up a conversation on the spot so it didn’t
seem like you called her by accident.
Either way, our phone technology is sure to save many relationships.
Eco-Friendly
Butt-dialing has
been proven to decrease the battery life of your phone, due to unnecessary and
unwanted outgoing calls. Now that
you can dial with your nose or fingers, you’ll only make the calls you want to make. The trees are thanking you already!
Thought Sensitive Touch Screen
Based on our
in-depth research, we have learned that one of the main culprits of
butt-dialing is touching the phone.
Therefore, we designed our phone to work around that issue. Our phone’s touch screen is so advanced
you don’t even have to touch it!
Sync your brain to the phone with BrainSync™ and you’ll never* have to
worry about accidental butt-dials again!
*Touch screen still responds to touch, so
butt-dialing may occur if not careful.
Data Access
Tired of
bringing your phone to the Internet?
This phone is the first to bring the Internet to your phone. Our technology takes web access to the
next level so you’ll never be dependent on network speeds outside your control
again. With CelluNet™, the
Internet is inside your phone.
Literally. Data rates are
infinite because the phone has full access to the web, which is neatly situated
between your battery pack and antenna.
Upload waits are inexistent, because we have eliminated the gap between
the Internet and you. For the
first time ever, You are the Internet™.
For All Generations
Butt-less™
technology is backwards compatible, so for you hard-core butt-dialers afraid of
the future, you don’t have to change…yet.
Don’t Wait
You don’t want
to be the last one on the metaphorical block to pick up this groundbreaking
technology. When you get your next
phone, make sure it’s marked with the Butt-less™ seal. Remember, you won’t want it if it’s
Butt-less-less.
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