March 17, 2011
Dear Diary,
Hello,
Diary. Atomic KO here. But you can call me K for short. Or O. Come to think of it, you’re a diary, so you won’t be calling
me much of anything.
This
is a very important inaugural entry.
“Why?” you might ask.
Because today I received my new uniform from the UPS. That’s the Universe Protectors’
Sewers. I must say, I look rather
dashing in the contrasting violent red and bold yellow hues of my garments. And the cape is fabulous. I can feel myself flying faster
already. Not that I’m flying right
now. Writing diary entries while
flying is dangerous and should be against the law.
That’s
all for now. I’ll be sure to let
you know when the next momentous event in my crime fighting life occurs.
Sincerely,
Atomic
KO
March 20, 2011
Dear Diary,
Well,
that momentous event in my career occurred just hours ago. I stopped a gang of notorious bank
robbers from stealing all the money from the Fourth Springfield Bank. I know not a lot of people use it (for
some reason, they prefer the First, Second, and Third Springfield Banks), but
stealing is wrong, no matter the amount of money. Preventing this crime today is as noteworthy as stopping the
robbery of Fort Knox. Now that
would be quite the ordeal! It
probably would have hostages involved.
And hi-tech weaponry from overseas.
Either
way, I am proud of the assistance I gave to noble citizens today. The fine members of the Fourth
Springfield Bank no longer have to fear for the safety of their deposits. The FDIC and I will assure that.
Sincerely,
Atomic
KO
April 2, 2011
Dear Diary,
After
a day full of prank emergency calls yesterday, today was back to normal. Well, as normal as possible for a
world-class superhero. Today’s
“normalcy” consisted of saving a burning bus full of schoolchildren about to
run off a recently demolished bridge that crossed over the county’s stockpile
of spare nails. Luckily, I caught the
bus in the nick of time. Not even
one child was impaled by a nail.
The worst off was the bus driver, but he was only suffering from profuse
thankfulness. I would say it was a
job well done.
Sincerely,
Atomic
KO
April 15, 2011
Dear Diary,
Today
might be the most important day in my superhero career so far. Unfortunately, it is not for a good
reason, for today was the day I met my archrival. I was flying to pick up a sandwich at my favorite deli when
suddenly I was shot out of the air by a laser cannon. My first thought was that the firer was a supervillian. After all, only supervillians carry
laser cannons around. Laser
pointers are common child’s play, but the cannon variant always spells trouble.
When
I laid eyes on the mischievous evildoer, I immediately loathed him like I had
never loathed a villain before.
Deep down in my noble heart, I knew that he was the one. The one I was destined to fight for
eternity. My archnemesis.
But
first, I had to find out who he was.
After a polite inquiry as to his name, I learned that he goes by Black
Hole. It doesn’t get much eviler
than that.
I
let him off with a warning and a written caveat about the personal dangers of
pointing a laser at someone.
Hopefully the tension between us doesn’t escalate.
Sincerely,
Atomic
KO
April 16, 2011
Dear
Diary,
The
tension escalated today.
Dramatically. I received a
phone call from Black Hole threatening to destroy the city if I didn’t give up
superheroing. I told him that was
impossible. The battle is on.
Sincerely,
Atomic
KO
May 5, 2011
Dear
Diary,
I
guess the battle wasn’t on quite yet.
I think we both had overreacted a little bit. But after a few weeks of pondering his position, Black Hole
decided to continue with his threat today. How? He
kidnapped Miss Penelope Pendergraft, the city’s most eligible cupcake
baker. I heard of her
disappearance from the hordes of hungry civilians craving for a Deluxe Fudge Filled
Triple Chocolate Caramel Cupcake.
The only problem was I didn’t know where to look for her. Luckily, I found a clue. A lone nail. The nuclear powered gears in my brain started turning. Then it hit me. Black Hole lives under the spare nail
storage area.
When
I arrived at the junkyard I decided to not waste any time looking for the
secret entrance. I was just about
to break through the ground when I saw a trap door hanging open. Black Hole’s hands must have been full
with Miss Pendergraft, so he forgot to close up his lair. All the better for me.
I
quickly found the kidnapped damsel in the center of Black Hole’s trophy room,
where he keeps all sorts of astronomical memorabilia. It’s a little creepy, if you ask me. I rapidly untied the baker and was
about to leave the lair unimpeded when Black Hole stepped out of the shadows,
clutching his laser cannon.
Without pausing to think, I raised my fist and knocked him out with one
solid nuclear punch. It was easy
the first time, but I don’t know if it’ll stay that way.
After
taking Miss Pendergraft to safety back in her shop, we stared at each other for
a while. Then—I’m embarrassed to
say this, but I guess that’s what private diaries are for—she kissed me. I was so happy at that moment. Lucky for me, I don’t have to worry
about living a split life with her because of a secret identity. That’s because I don’t have one. I’m Atomic KO one hundred percent. Still, I have this strange feeling that
I’ll never see her again. We’ll
see. Right now, my focus has to be
on keeping the city out of harm’s way, especially harm caused by Black Hole.
Sincerely,
Atomic
KO
October 14, 2011
Dear Diary,
Sorry
for the hiatus in writing. Black
Hole stole my diary in revenge for saving Miss Penelope Pendergraft. But don’t worry. I defeated him (again!) before he could
learn any vital secrets, like that my sole weakness is raw asparagus.
Nothing
else to report today other than that I am well and still here.
Sincerely,
Atomic
KO
October 29, 2011
Dear Diary,
The
city has been strangely quiet. Too
quiet. I know Black Hole is up to
something, I just don’t know what.
Wait, I’m getting a call on the Nuclear Payphone. Be right back.
That
was the police chief. People all
across the city are reporting that their pet guinea pigs have gone
missing. It’s very strange. There’s nothing I can do now, but I’ll
keep my supervision on the ground so I might find these missing rodents.
Sincerely,
Atomic
KO
November 2, 2011
Dear Diary,
As
I was walking to Miss Pendergraft’s cupcake shop to see her (and to get a
delicious pastry), I was stopped in my tracks by a lost guinea pig. I knew it was one of the missing
pets. My guess was that it had
escaped from Black Hole’s lair. I
was right. I flew to the nail
yard, tore open the ground where I knew the trap door was, and stormed into the
supervillain’s headquarters. And
what did I see? None other than
Black Hole, sitting on the ground, playing with hundreds of cute guinea
pigs. It was disgusting.
When
he saw that I had arrived to save the day, Black Hole tried covering the fact
that he was torturing the citizen’s pets.
Well, he wasn’t torturing them physically, but it must have put an
immense amount of mental strain on these rodents having to cope with pure evil
handling them. However, I could
see right through Black Hole’s cover up—x-ray vision helps with that—to
discover that he was planning on planting miniature bombs in the pets to
detonate when the owners played with them. Guinea pigs are the most popular pets in our fair city, so
this would have caused mass destruction.
I had discovered Black Hole’s master plan to take over the city. And he didn’t even have to tell me his
plan in an obvious plot reveal.
But
then I was stuck with a dilemma of which to do first: save the guinea pigs or bring Black Hole to justice. I decided to first hand deliver each
pet back to its rightful owner.
After
my good deeds, I returned to Black Hole’s lair. He was not there.
I still don’t know where he is.
I’ll have to wait until his next slipup.
Sincerely,
Atomic
KO
November 10,
2011
Dear Diary,
Today
I was victorious over my archnemesis!
Black Hole is no more! I’m
happy to say the world is now a safer place. Let me tell you how this success came about.
I
was going to try to see Miss Pendergraft again, but I was thwarted a second
time when I saw a laser cannon blast through a nearby building. Black Hole had decided to take the
forthright approach to destroying the city. First, I cleared the area of any bystanders. Second, I fought Black Hole. Third, I defeated him. It was as easy as that. Most things are that simple when you’re
supercharged with nuclear power.
Tomorrow
the mayor will present me with a key to the city. I’ll put it on my shelf next to my soccer participation
trophies from my childhood.
Sincerely,
Atomic
KO
December 2, 2011
Dear Diary,
As
I’m sure you’ve noticed, I haven’t had anything to say recently. After I brought Black Hole to justice,
my superhero life has became duller.
Not that there’s anything wrong with catching cats stuck in shrubs. Or helping the elderly cross one-way streets. Or blowing out rampant flames on
birthday cakes.
Because
of this, I’ve decided to discontinue my diary writing. It’s been a difficult decision to make,
so please don’t make it harder.
You’ve been a faithful diary; I couldn’t ask for anything more. Thank you for listening. Goodbye.
Sincerely,
Atomic
KO
January 24, 2012
Dearest Diary,
Now
that I’ve gotten my hands on Atomic KO’s super secret diary, I’ll finally be
able to defeat him! I can’t
believe this journal was simply lying in the county’s spare nail storage pit,
where anyone could find it and take it.
Like me, the nefarious Dark Glove.
As
I plan my next move to take down the blundering Atomic KO and destroy this
horrid city once and for all, I’ll document my genius in this notebook. Be prepared for pure evil!
Yours
Truly,
Dark
Glove
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